Out Loud

Out loud, in the dark,

I breathe out,

The cloud you,

Pushed, into my mouth.

It sounds like love,

But it tastes like dust,

And now I can’t get it out —

My mouth wraps round the wind as it howls,

My mouth shouts out in mumbled sounds,

It doesn’t taste right.

Your love is like dust in the night.

Out loud, I breathe in memories,

That choke me,

And make feel alone.

Out loud, I breathe out, the nightmares you told me,

Were love when I was lonely.

Out loud, I sing into the night,

It’s howling out its heart,

It’s howling it out loud.

Out loud, I speak in momentary glitches,

Odd stop and starting twitches that dramatise the movement of

Out loud discomfort, taught to bones that can’t forget your smile,

Why did I say it?

Why did I say I loved you, out loud?

When the night howls,

Now,

I don’t feel so lonely, knowin’ it’s not just me,

That screams,

Out loud.

When I walk in crowds,

I see your face,

Strangers wearing your disgrace,

With the same dimples in their cheeks,

That make me feel like I can’t breathe,

Out loud — what if you hear me?

Out loud, I smile and stand curled in,

Like someone who’s unsure, if they should’ve walked out or in,

When the door was opening to let the light through.

Out loud, I sigh, and wonder why, I can’t get you, out loud.

Why can’t I get you out loud,

And say,

I never should have said I loved you,

Out loud.

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