(Human) Broken Things

I waited

That night

For you to

Help me

Feel safe

I didn’t

Understand

Panic

Had grabbed me

By my throat

Whispering

Dirty threats

In a smoke tarnished

Voice

Against my throat

Right where, all my

Lovers kissed me.

I didn’t know

That I didn’t need you

To take care of me

That night.

(God, that sounds

Like death, the

Murdering of

Some

Vital part of love)

I needed you

To walk into

The space I

Thought we were

Creating. Together.

I realized I get

Scared

When I know groups

Of important people

Could decide

Whether we get to

Keep our space

Or not

And the blame then

For that emotion

I shouldn’t own (fear)

Rolled down

Like leaking candle wax

Across my breast

I detest

Feeling insecure

Feeling you

Not there – somewhere else

Somewhere quantifiably

“more”

Than with me.

I could never be

Your everything

– I wouldn’t want to be

But I wanted

Something sacred

A space where we

Put “our” everything

Picture, this,

Me, sifting through memories

As my bones slowly break

I still clutch a picture

Of us, as my legs shake

I’m waiting for you

And instead

You enter another house

You look through the window

And you can see me

In our space

Clinging onto

A memory – for hope, for solace

For – I don’t know what.

And it scares both of us.

And with my fear,

I walk into the space

And with your fear

You walk away.

It scared me, that I was vulnerable

And that you saw

And that you could have fun

Anyway

I never wanted you to change

And I hated being the person

Clutching that picture frame

In a space I had so clearly

So clearly imagined

And I have learned

That time

And rest

Heals most

(Human) broken

Things-

So I let us go

Removed the foundations

Of us that I had

Painted

In my mind, in my heart

(I guess)

Tore pictures down

With a sort of

Sacred, sorrowful

Reverence

And I left

And you

You let me go.

Told me you loved me.

Told me you didn’t have what I needed.

Time and rest,

Heals most

(Human) broken

Things.

One response to “(Human) Broken Things”

  1. Queen Amour says:

    This is relatable. The anxiety of not been enough,Of not feeling adequate,Of wanting more from someone just fleeting……

    Liked by 1 person

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